Processwriter

Go on Living

2011-08-13T20:28:00.002-04:00

Lord, I can’t believe he’s gone on to be with You. What do I do now?

And the Lord says, “Go on living.”

Oh, I know that’s what he would want me to do, but it’s so hard. I miss him so much. How do I deal with this?

And the Lord says, “Go on.”

How do I go on? He is so much of my life. I don’t know how to go on...

And the Lord says, “Look to Me.”

Help me, Lord! I don’t know what to do!

And the Lord says, “I love you and he loves you. Yes, he’s gone from you and is with Me now, however his memory, his life, his victories, yes, even his mistakes are a part of you. You can learn from all of it, and so can others, and you can go on living. Your life is fuller because he was in it. You have more to share because you know him.

Let Me comfort you in this loss, I love you and I will be your Father, now more than ever.”

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:13-14

Meditation on Easter Eve

2011-04-20T00:33:00.002-04:00

Tonight, which commemorates all nights, but of all nights, the one.

He died three days ago and even though I know the end of the story, I still need to realize that, indeed, He died.

Unpleasant, difficult, nasty, horrifying death,

and yet, to buy life,

for me.

Me, unworthy, broken, flawed me – now there’s a thought worth pondering.

So in the darkness, in this night, I will ponder Him.

my life, His death,

my sin, His overcoming,

my struggles, His resurrection,

my life, His living.

And good thoughts they will indeed be

Until morning light

When we commemorate His rising

For us.

"Why do you seek the living One among the dead? He is not here, but He has risen..." Luke 24:5-6

Sometimes what you need is nothing...

2011-03-31T01:24:00.005-04:00

Lord, I have nothing left, no ambition, no strength, no drive. I've lost my desire and my passion. I want to 'do' but the fire to 'do' is gone. I feel so discouraged.

And the Lord says, "I'm listening".

Lord, I know You are listening and I know You hear, but what do I do? I want to serve, I want to go, I want to give, but the drive is just not there any more.

And the Lord says, "I'm listening".

Listening, yes! But answer, please! I have nothing!

And the Lord says, "Sometimes what you need in nothing. You need to realize that I'm not going to give up on you, no matter what you have or don't have. You know how to give and do, now you have to learn how to live, having given all."

"Cease striving and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

What was the highlight of your year?

2009-12-28T00:50:00.004-05:00

What was the highlight of your year? I have been asking that question during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve every year since college. It’s an opportunity to reflect on what the previous twelve months have entailed and how that has affected your life.

This year it has taken on a different meaning for me. In reflecting on this year, ‘highlights’ are not so much the point as ‘life changing events’, and there have been many.

The single biggest event, by any measure, is the loss of a loved one. In my case it was a parent. The implications of that alone made this a life changing year. When we lost Dad to complications of his chemotherapy in May, it was one of the hardest things our family has had to deal with. I have often said “We aren’t the first family to go through this, but it feels like we are…” There simply is no way to prepare for the reality of the absence of a person and the changes that are forced on everyone as a result of his passing.

The emotional toll of grieving aside (I still have most of that bridge to cross), the practical reality of such an event required most of our time. Circumstances demanded that Mom sell the house, an event that took more education in real estate, probate, mortgage banking and law than I’d had in many years. So many decisions, so many details, so many people through Mom’s home. And finally, the closing at the end of October, almost twenty three years to the day after they had moved into the house.

And then Mom moved in with me, a life changing adjustment for both of us to be sure. While I’ve lived alone for many years, she never has. We are dealing with everything from what’s on television to whether it should be on at all. Details, decisions, adjustments…

It hasn’t been without its rewards. I am seeing my mother is ways that I never have before. She is becoming herself, not someone’s wife or mother. She is Gerry and as such has much to offer in a curious mind and compassionate heart. I like the person that I’m meeting as it were for the first time. As she also gets to know me, we are finding common ground and interests, something that I hope continues.

So, I suppose the highlight of my year is gaining an understanding of my mother. Yes, this has been an extraordinary year in many ways, but in reality it has not been an entirely bad one.

"Say to wisdom, "You are my sister,"And call understanding your intimate friend." Proverbs 7:4

The Healing Presence of the Friend...

2009-02-23T22:09:00.006-05:00

Lord, my friends are becoming lonely in their days, they need to know the healing touch of Your presence. Please make Yourself known to them in their difficult days.

And the Lord says, “You show them.”

But Lord, I am only an ordinary person, no special talent or place. I am not You. Don’t they need You?

And the Lord says, “You show them Me.”

But Lord, they need to know Your love in their lives. I can’t show them that.

And the Lord says, “You show them My love in their lives.”

But Lord, don’t they need that special touch from You?

And the Lord says, “You give them that touch.”

But Lord, how?

And the Lord says, “You have told them of My love for them. You have shared My heart. I want you now to share the love that I have placed in you. You need only to be present in the crisis. Be at peace with Me. Let them see you as real and loving, flawed and forgiven, human and humble. And trust that they will come to understand Me by the way you live your life.”

"This is My commandment that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends, if you do what I command you." John 15:12-14

Christmas and the Ultimate Romance...

2008-12-23T01:35:00.003-05:00

Many of my friends who know me well will wonder what in the world I’m doing writing about romance. I have to be one of the most non-romantic women in the world (barring, of course, my private appreciation for such marvelous movies as The Princess Bride and songs like The Unchained Melody). But recently I have come to realize that romance is something that perhaps has been missing in my life and that the One who desires to woo me has been there all the time.

The Christmas season is a time of constant discussion about family, love, faith, hope, giving, gracious receiving and most importantly, the physical birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. His coming into the world, as one of His creation, is a mystery best left to the theologians. I only understand that His birth made Him the perfect and only person who could fulfill God’s mission of reconciliation. God loves us, and His Son Jesus, died to atone for the sins of mankind that separate us from that Holy, yet loving Father.

So, what has that to do with romance?

Everything.

Because when you are romancing someone, you are desiring for them to be with you. And when you are being romanced, you are making a choice to allow your heart to be vulnerable. God desires for us to be with Him for all time, starting now. And He will, and has, moved Heaven and Earth to see to it that we know that He loves us and wants us to be in His presence. We must respond by making the choice to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to Him. The perfection here is that He will never leave us.

I must thank a new friend for waking this feeling up in me. While I may have misunderstood his intentions, I have seen God’s hand in it. I am not always ready to be vulnerable to those around me. I have wanted to be ‘safe’ in my own heart and not allow any risk for the hurt that might come. But, risk I must, because my message is the love of our God and His desire for us to be with Him.

But beyond the message, there is the relationship. This is where I have been lacking in understanding. I know God’s love in Jesus personally, but there is a depth in my relationship with Him that I have not been to yet, and it is to this depth that He is wooing me.

A Prayer for Our New President...

2008-11-05T09:30:00.004-05:00

Father God, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit…

I pray that You will lead our country and the leader we have chosen, Barak Obama. He will not have an easy time of it, this is a hard job to do. I do not know his relationship with You, I pray that if he does not have one that he will seek it, and if he does that it will increase in strength and intimacy. Protect him, his family, Joe Biden, his family and all who will work with them. They will need You.

The change that is spoken of is deep and resonating, and not desired by all. There are things that not everyone will agree with, and that is normal. We have been described as a large and quarrelsome family, but a family nonetheless. Help us to realize that we will need to be a united force in the things that matter, choose to agree to disagree in the things that don't, and loving in the heated discussions that will result from deep convictions.

I come to this with a sense of encouragement, knowing that You guide us all. Please give Your people the humility to come to You and the desire to seek Your will.

I love You Lord, and pray this in Jesus' name and by His grace,

Amen

Daily Prayer...

2008-10-06T19:22:00.003-04:00

A long time ago, I began to develop a prayer for use on a daily basis. Feeling the need to be sure to begin the day in a way that would remind me of that Jesus is in control of my life and He is the one Who I can rely on, I began to combine Scriptures and life experiences. This prayer is the result of that journey. Of late, I have been feeling the need to share this with anyone who would like to use it. Please feel free to use and share this as you feel is appropriate.

“I come before you now, Father, and prepare myself for this day.

Please create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me,
As I put on the breastplate of righteousness.

Knowing that you desire truth in the innermost being, I put on the belt of truth,
And the shoes of the preparation of the Gospel of peace,

And praying that You will cleanse my mind with the washing by the water of the Word, I put on the helmet of salvation.

And I take up the shield of faith and the sword of the spirit,

Praying always in the Spirit, I come to you now,

Thanking and praising You for this day,

And praying that You’ll be honored in the way I live my life.”

(based on Psalm 51, Ephesians 6:14-17, Ephesians 5:26, Psalm 25:14)

Politics Aside...

2008-09-01T18:02:00.005-04:00

I simply could not allow the most recent set of political events to go without some sort of comment. It seems that my friends, of all sorts, are very much on both sides of the fence in this season. One thing that I am excited about, whatever the motivations, is that this will be a historic election regardless of who wins.

And for that I am grateful. While the United States in only one of a world of countries, it is the one that God gave me to be a citizen of, and for that reason alone, I want to be a good participant in our governmental system. Which means educating myself on where the candidates stand on the issues that are important to me.

I am a Christian first and foremost. My religious freedom is tantamount in any thoughts that I will have in considering a candidate. Which of them will protect that right for me?

I am a single woman. I have to make my own living, earning money and paying taxes on it. Which candidate will consider that real issue for me and so many others like me?

My brother is a military man, currently not active. Which candidate will care about him and has the experience to understand the realities of military life?

My parents are aging. Which candidate will care about their needs for health care, their home, and their protection from identity predators? Which one will understand that they fought for this country during a time when the entire world seemed to have gone crazy, my mother with less rights than I have now?

I have five nieces and nephews. Which candidate is going to take into consideration their futures as it comes to not only education in basics, but also in the arts, athletics, journalism and domestic life (both boys and girls)? This was a problem when I was in high school, hard to believe that it still is now.

Most importantly, which candidate will be able to work with a congress that traditionally splits itself along party lines, regardless of the actual legislation? How many laws have not gotten passed and things have not gotten done simply because one party didn’t like the fact that the other one came up with the idea?

All things to consider, but one more thing I will say… don’t tell me how to vote, and I won’t try to influence you. All that I ask is that you vote, for someone… in doing so you earn the most important right of all, that of the ability to complain…

Sound a little odd? Maybe, but more gets done when someone complains than when things are left as is, just ask anyone who has ever worked in customer service of any kind. It does have to be done in a respectful and honoring manner, but the comments do need to be made. So, earn the right, vote, and then make as much noise as you like.

In the meantime, I want to be about the business of sharing Jesus with everyone. While I will be praying for this election and all of the candidates, I will not take a political stand, only to say this, that in this as in all things, God’s ways, not ours.

When God Says 'Wait'...

2008-08-20T21:57:00.008-04:00

The postponement of the Godspell opening brought a situation to mind that happened back in 1992.

His name is Stephen and he was one of the pastors at Christ Church in Nashville. I had only been in town about a year and he led the young adults group (known as 20/30 Vision) in which I participated.

Stephen had a problem. He had a recurring brain tumor that needed to be removed. The surgery had taken place in another state and his wife had brought him home to recover, but he wasn’t healing well.

At the same time, I was a first time member of the Christ Church Choir. When I joined the choir, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, until we were invited to back up Dolly Parton on the Country Music Awards. Needless to say, I was excited about participating in a live TV broadcast, although I have to admit being slightly overwhelmed by it all.

These two situations came together early in the same week and God used it to teach me something. The show was scheduled for Thursday and we were to have a rehearsal with Dolly at the Opryhouse on Monday night. If we didn’t make that rehearsal, we were not going to be allowed to sing for the broadcast.

Meanwhile, Stephen was getting sicker. I didn’t know how ill he had gotten, but had been feeling nudges all day long to go to their home and pray for him. This is where I got in my own (and God’s) way. I wasn’t sure in my friendship with them and didn’t feel comfortable approaching the subject. ‘He had lots of people to pray for him, he doesn’t need me,' I thought, 'besides, there’s not time, I have to be at the rehearsal at 7:00.’

That was when the phone calls from my choir section leader, Jackie, began.

Phone call #1.) Dolly lost her voice, but we’re still on.
Phone call #2.) It’s off, but don’t change your plans.
Phone call #3.) It’s not going to happen, enjoy your evening.

Now, no longer having an excuse, I thought maybe God was trying to get my attention. But I was still nervous about approaching Stephen and his wife. Finally getting past myself, I picked up the phone and called the house. To my surprise, the person who answered the phone was Stephen’s mother-in-law. In a bolder move that I was used to at the time, I asked about Stephen and told her about the sense I had to pray for him.

“Honey,” she said, “If Jesus is telling you to come pray, you get your rear end over here and pray!”

I love directness.

So, I began to put my recently kicked off shoes back on and to get ready to go out the door. Just before I left, the phone rang again. It was my choir section leader.

Phone call #4.)“Dolly got into the studio and was able to record her part in case she loses her voice completely. We need you in an hour!”

Now committed praying, I was not going to back out. The Lord had caused the delay to give me time to actually obey the leading He was giving. And so, I went to Stephen’s house.

Much to my surprise, another choir member was also there, a young man named Bob. We arrived within minutes of each other and both went into Stephen’s room with his wife. She leaned over and told him that we were there and asked if we could pray. Weakly, he said yes. Bob and I knelt on either side of the bed, each taking one of Stephen’s hands. He squeezed mine so tightly that it began to hurt, and I realized that he was much sicker than I’d previously known.

And so, Bob and I prayed, asking God for healing and strength for Stephen, and for wisdom for his family. It was only a few minutes, but we both knew that something had to happen. We comforted each other, and Stephen’s family, and left, not knowing what the outcome would be. I remember crying all the way to the Opryhouse, a good 30 minute drive from where we were.

The rehearsal happened during which I was distracted and often thoughtful. But there was a peace that I didn't really understand. Later on that night, I found out that Stephen’s wife had taken him to the hospital only a few minutes after Bob and I had left. It turned out that he had contracted meningitis and was going to have to remain in the hospital for several days. Stephen survived the ordeal with all glory to God and I had learned a valuable lesson in obeying the Lord the first time He asks.

And three days later, when the Christ Church Choir backed up Dolly Parton on the Country Music Awards, just as scheduled and with me in the second row, Stephen was cheering from his hospital room.

When God says ‘wait’, He has something better in mind, and we do well to obey and not resist Him.

“For I know the plans that I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Beat Poetry and Gifts from God

2008-07-12T01:22:00.000-04:00

I try to think about God and sometimes I realize that He has not only shown up, but has been there for quite a while.

I was driving home from work on one of our rainy New England evenings, thinking about the day, avoiding traffic and trying to relax. I had something on my mind that I had found on-line (wonderful thing, the Internet!). It was an audio file of some songs and poetry by a person whose work has become interesting to me lately. While no longer in the land of the living, some of his work does live on.

One thing that he did well was beat poetry, something for which I have acquired an appreciation. His stuff is good, but it doesn’t lift the Lord or in many ways, my spirits very well. So, the thought crossed my mind, what if this guy had done beat poetry that did praise Jesus?

My already active imagination began to work, and in my mind, I began to ‘hear’ this person’s voice doing beat poetry…

‘Praise God, praise God, praise God,
Jesus is Lord, Jesus is Lord, He is Lord, Indeed!’

I knew that I would never be able to write down what I was hearing, but it was so good! I wished I’d had a recorder with me, but in the moment it would have been a distraction. Then I realized, this was a gift for me, only me, and only for the moment.

I relaxed and began to enjoy my private ‘poetry reading’. Just then, I turned a corner, being careful of the rain covered highway. I glanced up into the gray clouds and was greeted with the largest rainbow I had ever seen! Now, wishing for a camera, I tried to stay on the road while enjoying the view. And then it became clear again, this was a gift, only for me and only for the moment.

I found myself grateful to and for my God, who not only supplies my needs, but shows His love in such tender ways as well. Those moments are times when I experience worship.

Some moments alone...

2008-06-25T21:07:00.000-04:00

Lord,

I have come here to be alone and let You know about my heart's pain and frustration. I know so much of what has happened is because I have been trying to obey You and that the Enemy is on a rampage because of it. I also know that You don't waste anything so please show me what I need to know and learn out of all this.

And the Lord says "Be humble"

Be honest, be true, be loving, be the one I made you to be. Grow in Me, only Me. Listen to your friends, your family, filter and grow in Me. I will care for them and you. Don't let yourself get too discouraged. It will happen, that you know. But let Me take charge, I love you all.

But what do I do Lord? How do I show love, show grace, show truth?

And the Lord says "Be humble"

Be peaceful, be kind, be My servant and let it show. You know how, you know My Word, you know My voice. Follow Me, obey Me, and let the world tend to itself. "Cease striving and know that I am God."

Thank you, Lord. These things I know, but what of practicality? How do I show repentance and peace to those around me?

And the Lord says "Be humble"

Admit to wrong, don't worry about being right. Let the fruit of peace rule you and not anger. "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God". Remember Me. Remember I love you and remember to pray. I will not leave you. You are mine. But for today and the day's own troubles, be humble and let Me be God.

For so You are, Lord, and I submit to Your leading, correction and forgiveness.

And I love You,
In Jesus Name,

Amen